Feb
27
My cell phone rang the other day and when I looked at the Caller ID, it said “God”. God? C’mon. Which of my friends was pulling a prank? It had to be some spiritual telemarketer!
“This is Cindy”, I said, with a touch of skepticism in my voice.
“Is this Cindy Smith, the co-author of A New Fearless You: Freedom From Hide and Seek and Other Games Grownups Play?” The voice said. “I have read your book.”
OMG- If God had read it, that was even better than being on the New York Times best seller list!
And, the voice definitely did not sound familiar. Older. Kind. But not familiar. Now I knew it had to be a joke, because not enough people have bought our book. When we wrote it, we had a message to deliver to the world. You have to find the answers inside yourself instead of outside yourself. How? Stop playing the grown-up version of Hide and Seek- hide from your fears and seek its polar opposite.
“Really, you read our book? Wait a minute. Do they really have cell phones in heaven?”
“Of course we have cell phones in heaven,” he said. “The technology we have makes your technology on earth look primitive. And I read your book on my new Kindle”
“Oh, you have ereaders in heaven?” I replied. C’mon. I knew Amazon was huge, but did it reach all the way to heaven?
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“That question is beneath you Cindy. Since you’re an Internet Marketing whiz, you should know that I Googled you. ” he replied.
I should have seen that one coming! I knew I should never have put that Facebook page up.
“But I know where you have been all along,” he said. “I never lost you; it is you who lost me.”
Was there a celestial GPS tracker in my phone or something?
“But how do I know this is God?” I said. “Trust me, you don’t have enough minutes on your cell phone plan to prove it.”
“No worries. I have unlimited talk and texting,” he said. “But therein lays the problem Cindy. You have always wanted proof. In fact and I quote from your book on p. 166: ‘I have conversations with God.’ Isn’t that what we’re having now … a conversation?”
“Hmm. But normally I do all the talking and you don’t answer back. And I often wonder with all the people who talk to you if you have time to listen.”
“And just as you had a message to deliver in A New Fearless You, I have a message for you,” he replied. “I DO listen, but more importantly, I answer. My answers are just a little unconventional, not what you would expect with all your high tech devices.
You won’t find them on Facebook or Twitter. You’ll find them in your heart and soul everyday.”
Then the phone went dead. Did I just get a dropped call, or did God hang up on me? I desperately tried to call the number back. But of course, it was disconnected.
And then it hit me. God had said what he wanted to say. Very simply. He does listen and he does answer. Sometimes we just need to look for the answers in the right place.
Did I imagine this whole call? Dream it up?
God only knows.
Cindy Smith
Dec
12
You think when you write a book that potentially you may make money or achieve fame like James Patterson or Jonathan Frazen. You have dreams of being on the New York Times bestseller list or in Oprah’s book club. Unfortunately, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Both have escaped Cindy (my co-author) and me so far. I’m not sure if we will ever get there, but the journey has been hilarious nonetheless.
After publishing A New Fearless You, I still remember our first request to contribute to a major woman’s magazine. We were so excited. We “sort of overlooked” what is was all about. It was for their Holiday issue and they have a readership of over 5,000,000. 5,000,000 is a lot of readers! We weren’t even deflated when we learned the topic was Holiday cards. More specifically, the question was: What are your thoughts on whether or not you have to send Holiday cards?
C’mon holiday cards and A New Fearless You? They don’t have much in common, but it was our first big break. We eagerly wrote up a short article. But, we never heard back.
On to the next… I could hardly believe it. We had an inquiry from someone who wanted us to submit a query for Reader’s Digest. Could it get any better? I think not. It just so happened the topic was parenting and bullies. Now my last book was on parenting, but Cindy gently reminded me this one was not. Ever creative, we came up with a great angle on how bullies and their victim have a lot in common. It was new, it was edgy … we never heard back.
Next, we received a request from the most well-read financial magazine world-wide. By now, our surprise is replaced with panic since the request came in at 10PM at night. Our comments were due in less than 24 hours. I still remember calling Cindy to break the news.
“Whatever you’re doing-stop- we have 24 hours to figure out how playing Hide and Seek is connected to overcoming our financial fears.”
And you know what, we scrambled and did it. Since Hide and Seek is all about fear and game playing, we figured we were a shoe in for this article. By this time, I bet you have guessed the punch line — we never heard back.
The requests kept pouring in, but they got more and more bizarre. How do you explain road rage to a child? How should people with SAD stay positive when it is cold outside? Should you bug your teenager to wear a coat in the winter or let it go?
This last request really fried my co-author. As she said she has a million issues with her teenager – getting her to wear a coat doesn’t even make the radar!
We know that every author, every actress, and virtually everybody trying to make it big has to pay their dues. But could the articles at least have something to do with A New Fearless You? I consider myself a “Game Changer”, but I am definitely NOT an expert on some of the topics that have been thrown our way.
We have learned. Boy, have we learned. Sometimes painfully and at other times joyfully. It has been nothing but a wild ride. There recently was a great article about the book in the St. Louis Dispatch. A home run for the good guys. But don’t be surprised if you see us in the National Enquirer as well. You’ll be standing in the grocery checkout line, and there our book will be: How A New Fearless You brought Elvis back to life.
We’re a little more jaded, but when the email requests come in from a nationally known publication, we’re still like a child on Christmas morning. That is an excitement I never hope we lose.
Saying good-bye for now,
Evonne Weinhaus
Generosity, kindness, and consciousness come in all different shapes, forms and may take some time to ignite. Here is another story from the Butterscotch Barnyard collection written by Anna Lee Nissenholtz and myself that illustrates this point from a child’s point of view. Please feel free to share with your young children and start a dialog with the Talking Starters that are included. Enjoy!
The score was 5 to 6 with only two innings left. Max could not remember when he had ever been more excited. His team was winning and he was the captain. Outside playtime was the very best part of school.
The boys and girls on his team had the ball and were getting ready to bat. Max heard his name. His teacher was calling to him.
“Max, I think Jimmy would really like to play ball with you but he is very shy,” said his teacher. Max looked over to where the new boy, Jimmy, was sitting.
“But Miss McGooch,” Max said, “Jimmy has those silver braces on his legs. He’ll make my team lose. He can’t run or anything!”
Max had seen Jimmy in class and had felt badly when Miss McGooch explained Jimmy couldn’t walk without those bars on his legs. Max liked to run and jump.
Max looked over once more. “I just can’t today Miss McGooch.” He ran back to his game.
Max’s team won and he forgot all about Jimmy. Later that day he remembered. He was just about to go over to him when a friend suggested they play on the jungle gym. Max thought he would try to play with Jimmy later.
Several days passed and Max thought of Jimmy often. Somehow he never got around to the lonely boy with those big, silver bars on his leg.
More time went by. One day Max was sitting on the floor with his friends working puzzles. He wasn’t very good at puzzles. He was getting very angry. Everyone was putting their puzzle together except for him. Soon, some of the children noticed Max couldn’t do his puzzle. They started to laugh and make fun of him. Max’s eyes began to burn and tears started rolling down his cheek. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm.
“Don’t cry Max, I’ll help you. I’m real good at puzzles.” Before Max could even say anything he looked up to see Jimmy putting his puzzle together.
“Wow, Jimmy, why are you so good at puzzles?” exclaimed Max.
“Well,” said Jimmy. “I can’t run and jump like you so I have a lot of tie to practice with puzzles.”
Max thought a minute. “Hey, Jimmy I have a great idea. You can help me with puzzles and tomorrow when we play ball I will help you. You can be our catcher and when you bat I can run for you.”
“Gee Max” said Jimmy. “Would you really? I’d like that more than anything.”
Max thought he would like that too.
TALKING STARTERS
Pretend you’re Jimmy watching all the children play ball. Show me how you would look.
How would you feel if Miss McGooch asked you to let Jimmy play ball? What do you think you would do?
Jimmy was different from his friends because he had a special problem. How do you think Jimmy was like his friends?
Nov
22
November 12th, 2010 at 10:30 am, I was on the stage at the Jewish Book Festival. It was quite a moment for me, but it didn’t quite work out the way I had thought it would. Let me explain…
For the past six to eight years I have religiously gone to the Jewish Book Festival. At first, I wondered if I’d write a book again, then owned up to my desire- I want to write about the “Power of Hidden Agendas”, and finally starting the writing process. At the time, I felt simultaneously overwhelmed with the process and glad I was taking some steps to start writing-not staying stuck in what felt like quicksand to me. Once, Cindy, my co-author, came aboard, I knew we would complete “something”, but wondered if I would make it as a speaker for the Jewish Book Festival.
Truth time- I gave it my best shot. When our book was in manuscript form, I sent a copy to the chairperson and when it was finally published, I hand-delivered our book, now called, “A New Fearless You” to her.
So to say, I was surprised when I was asked to speak would not be a true statement. To say I was surprised how it turned out would be a true statement…
The day before, I was listening to another speaker at the festival and saying to myself, “This author is a great speaker. I’m so glad I’m on a panel of four local authors and I just have to answer questions that Don Wolff, the moderator will be asking us.”
At 10:15 when the four panel members gathered in the so called Green Room to go over the “details”, the chairperson says each of you will first give a ten minute presentation and if she said anything else after that, I lost it.
Another panel member, like me, had no idea that this was the format and was writing notes furiously. I know I don’t usually speak from notes. So this is what happened to the best of my recollection.
I decided to stand up-not stay seated- and I started with what was uppermost in my mind,
“I just found a little while ago, I’ll be giving a presentation- so like you- I’m looking forward to hearing what I say. I do feel at home here. For the last six to eight years, I have been in the audience wondering if I would ever make it to this stage.”
At that moment, much to my surprise, the audience spontaneously started applauding. I was so touched- I choked up and my voice broke as I tried to say thank you.
I guess I have come full circle. After my brain surgery, losing control of my emotions on stage was what I dreaded-. But in that moment at the J Book Festival, I felt surrounded with love and support and it will always be one of the most special moments in my life that I am so grateful for.
Until the next time,
Evonne Weinhaus
Nov
15
I confess…When I was talking to a couple of my grandkids recently, I forgot that the most important part of a relationship is the connection and the correction is secondary. So, this story, from Stop Struggling With Your Child is a helpful reminder to all of us.
Here’s a telling story of how one well- meaning father got so wrapped up in helping his son improve that he ended up missing the boat and was discouraging rather than encouraging to his son, Sam.
It was Sam’s little league game. He was just beginning to feel comfortable with the rest of the kids on the team and the other dads who were coaching. Sam’s mom and dad were out there sitting on the lawn with the rest of the parents. Dad started off great. He was as encouraging and supportive as he could be. He cheered in all the right places and really showed an interest. When Sam’s team went into the outfield in the third inning Sam was put on third base and he was delighted. Until then he’d been so far in the outfield, he hardly knew what was going on. Dad, a lefty like Sam, was not so delighted. “He’s a lefty. You never play a lefty at third because his reach for the ball at the fowl line puts him at a disadvantage,” he told his wife.
So Dad, wanting to help Sam make the best of a difficult position, casually strolled to third and gently guided Sam over a little to compensate for his being a lefty. In fact, he casually strolled over three or four times during that inning and gave Sam quite a few helpful hints as long as he was there. Now this was not one of those sports minded aggressive dads who had visions of a major league. This was a dad who just wanted his son to have a few helpful hints so he could play his best and not feel frustrated. He wanted Sam to enjoy the game.
Mr. F, with the best of intentions, was doing what many parents do. He was trying to give his child a feeling of success and accomplishment by correcting the child, by telling the child “if you just do it this way instead of the way you’re doing it now-you’ll do a better job.” This is clearly an approach that maximizes the importance of the end result-being a good third baseman.
What’s wrong with that? Aren’t there times when a little advice is in order? Yes, but advice and corrections need to be doled out in small measured portions that begins to decrease as the child exhibits more and more independence. When parents chronically offer help, help toward a good result, they are essentially robbing their child of the very feeling of success they are trying to achieve. They are robbing the child of feeling proud of what he can do independently. They are robbing the child of a belief in himself. Quite honestly, kids are less encouraged by our helpful hints than we would like to think. And as far as improvement goes-believe it or not, improvement comes naturally over time.
Until next week,
Evonne Weinhaus
Here’s what the teenager had to say ten years later:
After barely graduating high school, I needed to experience the hard school of knocks and to meander. Some experiences were good, some were bad-all were necessary. Years ago I carefully boxed up my feelings and my experiences so nobody could touch them . What I didn’t realize was I too could not touch them. I needed the hard school of knocks and my meanderings to penetrate my walls of anger.
After barely graduating high school, I needed to experience the hard school of knocks and to meander. Some experiences were good, some were bad-all were necessary. Years ago I carefully boxed up my feelings and my experiences so nobody could touch them . What I didn’t realize was I too could not touch them. I needed the hard school of knocks and my meanderings to penetrate my walls of anger.
During my meanderings, moving from one city to another, or for a day or two moving away from the city. I began slowly to make connections about how my experiences impacted my life. Sometimes, I could even predict them. The walls of anger were coming down.
My tunnel vision gradually shifted. It started slowly- backpacking in Europe, reconnecting with family, and enjoying being “single” . I finally felt enough of a sense of freedom, I was ready to lasso myself in and come to grips with that I needed more than here and now offered- being a waiter paid the bills, it didn’t touch my soul.
Again the answers were the same- one step at a time and going after a goal. I found out about my options about returning to college, I took one course , continued to work full time and just recently received financial aid. I am now enrolled at the university . Music has always been in my soul and now has become the beacon of light for me. I have still have my dreams –only they are now focused- focused on the short range goal of completing my courses and the long range goal of becoming a sound engineer.
Does this mean I have solved the puzzle yet? No! I’m still taking a step at a time and yes sometimes still meandering- some good, some bad.. Only this time, there is a difference. I recognize that my meanderings are part of my journey, defining who I am and illuminating the issues I still need to wrestle with. This evolving process of coming to grips with life-choices adds a richness, wholeness, and complexity to my life that I am very grateful to have experienced.
Until next week,
Evonne Weinhaus
It’s now January 20th, the clock reads 12:56 a.m., and I’m at a point in my life where goals to be reached are all I have to show for myself. Close to failing out of school, tempted to use the chemicals that put me where I am, and clueless of where I’ll be in a year from now-only one set of words float through my head, unfortunately it’s a cliche that many people use when constructing model cars, or piece together a puzzle, but they’re helpful words to me and my life. The old cliche states: “One thing at a time.”
So with this in mind, where do I stand? Well, probably the biggest step I’ve taken up to this point is my refusal to use the drug that I feel tore me apart, Marijuana. A month and three days later, I’m convinced-no less, that putting that poison into my system is the equivalent to putting a pistol to my head and attaching a delayed trigger device to the handle.
Reaching the goal of controlling substances rather than them controlling me is a goal I won’t be able to say I’ve accomplished until the day I die. I’m willing to wait. The next questions to be asked is: Now what?
Now that I have chiseled away pieces of the wall that kept me from doing what I’ve wanted, I must find, attach, and modify my lost dream. At this point in my life, school is the road that is going to get me where I want to be. The nights I put studying off to party and get out of hand, I must replace with accomplishing what needs to be done scholastically. The money I earned to go up in smoke or to be absorbed in my liver, must now go toward the things in my life that will help me, and at least satisfy my responsibilities.
Hopefully only a year away, the goal for me to work toward is being accepted to a college. From there I can go almost anywhere I want, provided I know what I want, and have the direction to take myself there.
I’m starting to believe people can do anything they set their minds to, the tricky part is realizing that there is no skipping parts of the process, the only way to win the game is to take one move at a time.
Tune in next week for Part 3,
Evonne Weinhaus
Part I: From a Teenager’s Perspective: Taking Off My Mask
This week I thought I would share with you all something a little different: An essay written by a high school senior whose teacher gave him 24 hours to change his grade from an F to D-.
Would have loved to see her face when she read this from her “failing student” !
Life, a four letter word, that holds more questions to it than Trivial Pursuit -most of those which are never answered -but only dwelled upon more and more as years pass. Many questions friends and I would sit and ponder on for hours when I should have been thinking about the ice-cream man, are the same unanswered
questions we’ll sit and try to figure out at atime when I am only a couple of months from turning eighteen.
A lot of things have changed in that time, and only one conclusion can come to mind; setting goals are the essential motivators to moving forward in life, and coming to limited realizations of our existence.
Eighth grade had to be one of the most interesting experiences of mylife. It was a year when I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to get it all.
It was always a dream of mine to be a veterinarian and change the animal kingdom like Martin Luther King, Jr. changed American culture in the sixties.
I knew it took an extreme amount of energy toward studies, and with that an extreme amount of self -discipline to let all distractions pass me by like a common cold or a baseball game that didn’t turn out in my favor.
One distraction I couldn’t ignore though, was a move from my mom in Detroit, Michigan to my dad in Los Angeles, California. To say the least, values changed, ideas changed, and in whole, I changed.
Grades started to slip, and my desire to be a veterinarian still stood in the back of my mind. Other events in my life seemed more important than that of becoming a veterinarian. In the years between then and now, situations evolved into crises, and the holes dug by my ignorance and lack of concern have put me in a place where sometimes I feel I’m struggling to survive.
With substance abuse entering my life about one and a half years ago, soon after shifting my life again to the likes of St. Louis, Missouri, I had gotten to a point where not only had I obstructed my sense of reality, but close to blockading any change of living a life that I had dreamed of only four years and two cities ago.
Tune in next week for Part 2:
Evonne Weinhaus
Everyone asks me how I sold so many copies of my first two books. The answer is sheer guts. You never know when you are going to meet a new client, a new friend, or an important contact. You just have to open to the possibilities at all times, to take off the blindfold or unmask your fears that potentially hold you back.
Sometimes unmasking yourself can be simple, fun and even profitable! Here’s what I’m talking about:
During a flight back to St. Louis, a stranger didn’t like his assigned seat and asked if he could take the empty seat next to me. We began talking, and he mentioned that he was a sales rep. I knew it was meant to be that he sat next to me. I told him about what I was doing at the time-which was training sales representatives to increase their sales by using the Match and Move Method and for the rest of the flight we talked shop. He promised to tell, his boss, Randy about me.
Fast forward a month to when his boss – Randy – actually did call. I was surprised because it started out as just a casual meeting on a plane. He invited me to lunch and began firing questions at me:
Do you do anything new in your training?
I looked him right in the eye and said,
No, I don’t. I just add a twist.
Dead silence. And finally he said,
That’ good. There is nothing new out there and if you had said yes, this lunch would have been over immediately!
I believed him. This man was a straight shooter, who didn’t play games, who valued honesty.
We spent more time discussing my sales training approach, including my twist. Randy liked what he heard and hired me to do a pilot program. He appreciated what he saw later, offered me a 26-workshop contract and we sealed the deal with a handshake.
What about you? Sometimes unmasking yourself can be fun, freeing and flow straight from your mouth. It can be effortless, not forced. It can happen in chance encounters – meeting someone on a plane, in the line at the grocery store, or at a football game. Can you think of a quick example where you unmasked your fears and just went for it? You can feel your heart smile.
Until next week,
Evonne Weinhaus
Oct
9
How do you sum up a 175 page book in a sentence or less? I have struggled with this from the day “A New Fearless You” was printed. When people ask me what our book is about, I often fumble my words … me the speaker! So I finally decided I had to get a short description down that I could remember and believe in.
Unmask childhood games that follow you into adulthood and blindly hold you back from being the best of who you are.
There I said it- that is what “A New Fearless You” is really about simply and concisely. What makes our book different than others?
Our book is built on the premise that people blindly seek ways to run away from fear- the fear that lurks behind all of our relationship problems.
Let’s take a moment and look behind some of my words- and see what happens when we unmask the meaning behind the words I have chosen.
Unmask Childhood Games. I used to talk in terms of Hide and Seek. I have finally come to grips with that people don’t get that concept, but they get game playing. Everyone can relate to the childhood games — they just don’t realize we bring them with us into adulthood.
Be the Best of Who You Are. To me, this phase means the Triple A affect- Acceptance of the Self + Access to our higher power +Act in harmony.
Blindly Hold You Back and Seek blindly. I could say the word, “unconsciously” instead of “blindly”, but blindly is a trigger word for me-and in fact a deeply-layered one. After my brain surgery, I learned from my ophthalmologist friend it was a true miracle I didn’t go blind because the brain tumor I had was lodged in my optic chasm and he thought for sure I would be blind after surgery.
Secondly, blindly also refers to the game, Pin the Tail. When 
you’ve taken the blindfold off, thus unmasking your fears, you’re no longer blindly moving toward an “ass backwards” goal, spinning around in circles and losing your orientation.
Ways to run away from fear. Of course! This is an easy way to say out loud- the cornerstone of “A New Fearless You”- Hide from fear and seek ways to cover up our fears.
The fears that lurk behind all relationship problems. I still remember my first lunch with Michal Abney, the co-director of the documentary Breakthrough: A Conscious Documentary when he started talking about how we have a relationship with everything. Right on Michal! Be it your relationship with yourself, with your career, with others, with money, these relationship problems all have something in common. Fear is the culprit behind the problems we experience in ALL of our relationships.
So I ask your advice … is this descriptive enough? Is it succinct? Would it whet your appetite to buy the book? You help me judge!
Until next week,
Evonne Weinhaus